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Hi BW readers! It's been almost a week since you heard from me. I've been uncharacteristically tired and had a weird constellation of other symptoms, so I went to the doctor, and... I have mono! Mononucleosis! For the third time. I am writing this with a pillow wedged beneath my upper left side to ease the constant pain of my swollen spleen. Awesome!
Anyway, I miss you. Not all my readers--I love them all, but I miss YOU specifically. So I wanted to say hi. And what better way to say hi than sharing a list of the weirdest search terms that brought people to Butch Wonders in October? Here you go:
Your swollen-spleened Butterfinger-loving demon fox, BW
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Grand Island, Nebraska is home to about 50,000 Nebraskans and a steaming pile of homo-hatred. The city council recently rejected an ordinance that would have prohibited discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Not only that, but they rejected a proposal that would have put the decision in front of the voters, instead voting 8-2 that denying someone a promotion because of who they love is a-OK. 
Possibly the most depressing "welcome" sign in the history of the world.
As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the council members explained that he didn't want Grand Island to become "gay-friendly." Riiiight. Like all the queers were suddenly going to flock to Nebraska if this thing passed.
So I have an idea. I would LOVE to mess with them by showing them how doggone gay Grand Island can be. If you're in Nebraska (or anywhere near it), I would LOVE for you to drive to Grand Island and do or put something super gay and rainbow-y in front of their stupid-looking "welcome" sign. In fact, I would love to do this for ANY city that's passed anti-gay ordinances, or that has refused to pass laws giving --gasp!--equal rights to LGBTQ folks. I'm sure there are a whole bunch of other cities we can target. What are they? And should we plot to get back at them by fomenting a big ol' pro-gay movement with them at the center of it? E.g., Grand Island is for (Gay) Lovers? What do you think?  'Tis a homosexual pastry! Coming Out Day is awesome for many reasons: 1. It reiterates the importance of visibility. 2. It is an excellent excuse for making and/or consuming rainbow cake. 3. It reminds straight people that their queer friends had to go through a (sometimes excruciating) process of explaining/announcing their sexual and romantic preferences. It also reminds queers that the coming out process, different as it is for each of us, ties us all together. 4. Right before the election, it underscores the civil rights issues at stake. 5. It is an occasion for poetry, tweets, and general tomfoolery.  Recently, I challenged BW readers to encapsulate their coming out stories in one of three forms: (1) as a tweet; (2) as a haiku; (3) as a limerick. A bunch of you were up to it, and in honor of Coming Out Day, here are some of my favorites:
TWEETS My sister was 59 when she came out. She beat me to it. I came out at 50. Mom: What's wrong? Me: Nothing. Mom: You're in love, aren't you?! With that girl from South Carolina! Me: Yes. Mom: I knew you were gay! I didn't just come out of the closet, I jumped out of the whole effin' house! HAIKU Everyone was great Forgot I hadn't told dad Shocked him in the car! Cue apocalypse! Coming out to my mother. False alarm, she's cool. Collegiate romance. We thought we were so sneaky, but everyone knows. Came out three times now gayboy, transwoman... tomboy enough, already! A snoop I call mom, Danced around the Internet-- Then learned he is she. Finally barking up the right tree of lovin'. In fact, now I purr. LIMERICKS (OK, some of these aren't *technically* limericks, but whatevs) The time to come out was past due. So I sent the IM to you... When I looked at my gaff, We both had a good laugh -- 'Stead of "bi," the message said "bu." We were standing there cooking breakfast, Nothing on but a smile and some skin Then OMG, my mom came walking in No place to run No place to hide had to stand there proudly, showing my rainbow pride. It's enough to demolish the brain How the Transmatriarchy inane Demand Bette and Tina Be the trans girl's Athena... When I only long to be Shane There once was a girl who was always laughing To cover the thoughts she was always having She couldn't make herself aware Even though her dad was a gay bear And being family wasn't nothing but a family thing For 32 years it was men that I liked Stubble and bicepts and d*ck got me psyched Then along came a girl put my head in a whirl And I thought, "holy sh*t, I've been dyked!" i've always been a big butch dyke but when i came out my mom said TAKE A HIKE i was homeless for awhile but all i do now is smile because i have four kids and a beautiful wife! Thanks to all of you awesome readers who submitted these great tweets and poems! (And special congrats to the author of the limerick that begins, "For 32 years it was men that I liked"--you win first place and the cool Gadget Wallet from Uncommon Goods!) Happy Coming Out Day, everyone!  National Coming Out Day is coming up on Thursday, and to honor this excellent day of the year, I want coming out stories from you... But not just any coming out stories. I want your coming out story (or the coming out story of someone you know) in one of three formats:
Tweet: As a kid, I couldn't take my eyes off Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music." My mom knew what was up. I came out at 13 and she didn't blink. Haiku: The dog was nonplussed I came out to him--practice. Parents were less calm. Limerick: You see, I'm a gay boy from China Who then moved to North Carolina When I went to college I soon gained the knowledge That I was repelled by vagina Get the idea? Knock yourselves out. I'll feature the best ones on Butch Wonders Thursday. Anonymous entries are fine. Send as many as you want to me at [email protected]. It's been a full week since I've written a Butch Wonders entry. Often when I have something I have to (or want to) write and I haven't really been doing it, my brain does this (click to see a bigger version): 
I'm learning to write a little faster and get stuff out there immediately. This is the "prototype early and often" principle (in design thinking parlance), or the "fail, fail again, fail better" principle (in Samuel Beckett / Zadie Smith parlance), or the "brain crack" principle (in Ze Frank parlance).
...Anyone else ever experience anything like the flow chart above? |
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